What if?

Today is a rainy summer sunday in Denmark. The sweet scent of wet grass and leafs fills the air. The only thing to do is drink hot tea and read books, watch a dvd or let the thoughts wander.
I've been looking at pictures today- mostly of Reuben and me. It is hard for me to let go. When I look at the pictures I think about all the things Reuben wanted to do with his life. And all the things we wanted to do together. And all the "what if's" pops into my mind. What if we'd stayed in New Zealand? What if we hadn't gone to New Zealand? What if I had called him one more time that night? Could I have helped him? What if I had never met Reuben?
I don't know the answers to all my questions but most of them. I don't know what had happened if we'd stayed in New Zealand but I do know that it was good that we went. Reuben saw the people he truly loved and because he loved them I love them and I know that no matter what they will always be part of me. And I do know that because I met Reuben I now know what love is and no one can take that away from me. Unfortunately I also know what hate is. But I try not to let it influence me. I do know that even though I had called him one more time that night he would have said that he was alright just like the last message from him told me. He didn't know what was going to happen so how could I? I don't know what would have happened if we had stayed in NZ but I know that it will not help me to think about because I cannot change it.

GOD, grant me the
Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change
Courage
to change the
things I can
and the
Wisdom
to know the difference.

Living ONE DAY AT A TIME;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the
pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this
sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.

We know life is hard and we see and hear it all the time. In all this we try to do good and believe in the good in people. But it is not what you are inside that defines you but your actions. But does that mean that it is also lack of action?